New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how drunk are you?
Several
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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