God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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