Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
