I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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