I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
