I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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