Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
