so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize