think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
