dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
