Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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