I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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