Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
