Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
