I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
