Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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