he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
