I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
