Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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