she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
