just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
