Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
