i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
