You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
