Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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