it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
