Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
