I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
