I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize