wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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