I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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