Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The struggles of a small town man whore
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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