I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
