you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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