I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
