the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
