I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
