i think my tv is drunk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
