it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
