i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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