Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
