We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
