Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
