textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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