Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
