Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
