i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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