True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
