i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
