why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
