bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
