News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We are two peas in an std pod
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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