Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
