we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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