cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
