How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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