okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
