thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
