Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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