if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
