it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did I show you my penis last night?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
