Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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