dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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