Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
