D3 body, D1 cock
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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