omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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