My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
NoShamevember. You game?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
