College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
