On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
