Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
