so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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