Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
