Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
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