You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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