Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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